bittersweet and its all your fault,

i spoke about how i feel about you today
for the first time in a very very long time,
just to a girl i barely know but i'm glad.

it made me realise why i did what i did - which was supposedly break your heart regardless of the fact that you'd already broken mine a million times before.


you did nothing but lie to me, break me into tiny little peices and expect me to pull myself together and keep on smiling, keep on pretending i was okay with what you were doing to me.
you lied, so many times. why?
did it amuse you to know you were tearing me apart and that i couldn't bear to show it for the fear of seeming young and weak.
well you won't break me again.

you said you'd stop what you were doing.
you told c that you hadn't.
did you realise how much that hurt? for you to tell her of all people? you knew damn well she wanted you.
she only wanted me with you because she preferred us than you and g
i think i'm the only one who saw that.

i was almost willing to give myself up to you y'know, but i'm glad i didn't
you really are not
worth it

nor are you worth my time, my breath or my tears - though the tears are long gone now, i had other people to help me dry them, people who really care.

and then you... and her... i can't even think about it, it makes me sick.
and then you weren't going to tell me?!
i'm glad that k made you tell, you lying peice of..
no. no i won't lower myself to name calling, no matter how much i want to, it seems childish but it seems like a good way to release built up anger but i'll save that til no-ones around and i'm alone with my thoughts.

i'm sorry i never told you about what was happening,
it was my own way of getting back at you, my way of lying, breaking a seemingly not-so-innocent heart and i maybe shouldn't have done it, but i don't care. i'm happy now.

i won't even mention what else you've done to me over the past few months.
you really aren't worth it anymore
but i can't help but be your friend
you seem too vulnerable for me to leave
that childish manner you have still makes me smile
even though i really should just walk away
i can't.


and although i said maybe there's a potential future for us, i lied.
i hope you like the taste of your own bitter game, n.