do you want the truth or something beautiful?

i get tired sometimes
everything becomes too much and i break down.
it's been a while since it's happened.
the last time was in may.

and now it's happening again.
i can feel myself slipping
losing touch
falling into a black hole

i have everything i want
but parts of it are cracking
breaking beneath my tender touch

just one tiny bit of pressure and i fear it may all disappear.


it's easy to decieve everyone
i'll carry on as if i'm fine
once the day is through and i'm by myself
everything will let loose
i'll feel those awful feelings that desperately want to tear me apart
not even V helps much these days
her life is too fucked up for her to be my conscience, my reason to carry on.

i can be who you want me to be
but that would mean being someone i'm not.

i don't think many people realise
just how sensitive i can be
just how much every tiny detail gets to me
i like everything to be perfect, and when it's not, i feel uncomfortable and i find it hard to focus on anything but trying to fix the imperfections.
then i get distracted
and frustrate myself even more.


pumpkin, you are everything to me. i'm sorry that you think he's in the way in some ways, but i guess thats just life. no matter how much it hurts, we just gotta learn to compromise with things we don't quite like. i'll never let you go, sisters before misters.