these four walls,

That's what you don't notice.

You don't notice the fact that you only brush it off when it really matters.

When really I'm having a brief breakdown.

Its difficult watching us drift between rocky and stable,

It's difficult knowing that I'm the one who causes it.

Because I'm just so fucked up, and I'm sorry.

 

I don't deal well with anything.

Things get too hard for me all the time.

At least a few times a week I end up sat in tears for all sorts of reasons.

But it's okay, I'm just a girl.

I'm supposed to be like this, I think.

 

I'm sorry.

I really am.

I understand that I make no sense sometimes.

That I can't explain some things to you – I just don't want to seem crazy.

I just don't want to let someone unravel my mind, the thought alone scares me half to death.

I've got so much love to give, but what if someone doesn't want it?

I couldn't face that. It would break me beyond repair.

 

 

I still think about him. Not in the same way, don't worry.

But the pain is still there, I'd be a liar if I said it wasn't.

It's still as fresh as it was when I first felt it and I've no idea why.

First real love? I don't think so, I think you claimed that spot just over a year ago.

Why does it still hurt though? Why can I still feel a pang of jealously when I see him with girls that aren't me?

Girls that don't know him as well as I do,

Girls that will only break his heart like I did.

I want to protect him and I can't, not like I want to.

That's why it hurts.

 

I want to be with you forever,

I've decided.

I can see everything in my future – being right at your side.

I may be young but I'm certain that I'd like that, that I want that.

Like I've said a million times before; perfection.

 

I love you,

Rx