the road to mandalay

i need to get it off my chest
i can't bare to keep it a secret anymore
i never told a single soul
i feared what people would think
but most of all, i feared that you would break me like the last two had.

i loved you.



i loved you far more than i should have.
and im glad i never told you.
because you did exactly what i predicted you would.

you broke me.
and i miss you.



but i wouldnt fall back in love with you if you returned
i wouldnt allow myself
because you'd break me again and you know it.
but somewhere deep down
i think you knew i loved you
i think you knew that you had my devotion and that i cared about you so much.
maybe you even broke me on purpose.
but most of me thinks that you didn't have the nerve to do that
you cared about me too
it showed.

i just think that you cared about yourself more.
and when i hurt you, that helped you decide.

but well done, you're the first boy to beat me at my own game. and you taught me so much about life, but i'll fight to the death to make sure that you'll be the last to win.

though you're gone and you'll never speak to me again, i still love you like you're my brother. the other love i felt is long gone now, but the ache for you texting me in my chemistry lessons every wednesday telling me about how much you wished you were able to talk to me all the time lingers on. i miss my gaybear, and i always wonder if you miss me.






be safe, love your rosemary x